This, that and what the heck is going on?

In past blogs Colleen and I have mentioned how crazy Japanese television is here, and I finally have proof. This clip features several men sitting in a classroom watching a guy in a video trying (and not succeeding) to read and speak English. The trick is that if anyone laughs at him... well just watch and find out. We see stuff like this all the time. So in honor of this video I will share some of the crazy things I have seen, heard and eaten lately.

Teaching English I get to hear a lot of crazy things, and quite often students will tell you things in English that they would never tell a stranger in Japanese. Somehow speaking English has this magical liberating force on people. I call it the "three beers" effect. This is the number of beers at which the average person will start to tell you things they might not otherwise tell you when sober. I have also found out that some Japanese psychiatrists recommend English lessons for students with social problems. This would definitely explain some of our students. Here are a few things straight from the mouths of students...

Me: Hello, how are you?
Female Student: I feel bad.
Me: Why?
Female Student: My (points to stomach) hurting. So I go to hospital.
Me: What did the doctor say?
Female Student: He take my... (points to vein)
Me: Blood?
Female Student: Yes and my shit.

Ba-dump ching!

Me: Hi, what's new?
Female Student: This morning I take my friend to hospital.
Me: Why?
Female Student: She get abortion.

YIKES!

Me: (talking to students about TV viewing habits) When you were a child did your parents set any rules for watching TV?
Male Student 1: Yes I can't watch TV until finish homework, and I have to go bed at 8pm.
Me: (after making corrections) How about you? (to student 2)
Female Student 2: (speaking very clearly) My mother said don't watch porno.

To the point, Mom, good job.

Me: (while teaching a lesson about story telling) Can you tell me something interesting that happened to you recently?
Male Student: Yes I have a love story. (girls in class get swoony)
Me: Really? What happened?
Male Student: Yesterday I was riding on the train and the most beautiful girl get onto the train. She sat down across from me and she was very tired so she fell asleep and her legs open so can see up her skirt. I was in love.

A true romantic.

Me: (teaching a lesson about facial appearance, we get to the word 'piercing')Do you know this word?
Student: Yes
Me: (pointing to pictures of faces) Who has piercings?
Student: (she points to a picture of a young man) This man.
Me: How many does he have?
Student: He have 5.
Me: (correcting) He has 5.
Student: Yes he has 5.
Me: That's right.(noticing her earrings) How many do you have?
Student: Umm...(she starts to count and gets lost, then points to the left ear) One, two...(points to the right ear) three, four...(points to her nose) five...(and then her finger points past the belly button and down toward her nether regions. She then looks back up and proudly announces) Six! I has six!

...and change the subject!

Well not completely, the teachers can be just as strange at times. Have I ever told you how superstitious English teachers can be? No? That's because generally they're not but it seems no matter what school I teach at they always have some sort of "no-show" god or shrine that you thank when you get a free period because all of your students didn't show up for class. This is ours. Another strange thing around the office (besides my co-worker Kim) is this middle aged man who, from time to time, frequents the large mall area below our school. He can be spotted in a variety of bright colors from hot pink to lime green, wearing wigs and carrying baby dolls and always dressed like a young girl. One day after work I spotted him from behind and tried to sneak in for a shot. He was moving too quickly, so I thought, hell with it, I'm getting a picture. I tapped him on the shoulder and (in Japanese) asked if I could take his picture. Expecting the worst I was shocked when his eyes lit up and he ran to a nearby lighted pillar so I could capture him in the best lighting. He took out his fan, extended a leg and waited patiently while I took his photo. When it was done he shouted a bunch of elated yet completely unintelligible Japanese at me and took off on his merry way.

Let's see... what else is good and bad in the land of the rising sun...

Good: Eating ice cream with my business students after two periods of discussing the marketing strategies of Ben and Jerry's.

Bad: Beers that are too small.

Good: Melon Kit Kat

Bad: Butter and Salt flavored caramel.

Good: Beer flavored caramel.

Good: Cinnamon Pepsi

Bad: Suggestive store names.

Bad: Restaurants where you might get punched in the face.

Good: Finding out Batman lives in your neighborhood.

Bad: Bad vending machine concepts.

Good: Doing yet another show in Japan. This one was kicked off by some music, comedy and dancing in the first act and then followed up in the second act by our humble little improv group performing an unscripted version of Robin Hood with Butch as Sir Guy of Gisborn. David as the Sheriff and Friar Tuck. Genny as Maid Marian and the Bishop. And myself as Robin Hood, all the guys in the competition and the voice of Little John (played by Curtis who was MC for the night but hadn't been able to make it to any rehearsals, so I spoke while he lip synched his lines) The show was great, the audience was lively and I was bleeding from handcuffs before the night was done. I love this country! To see the Robin Hood pics, click here and scan forward.

Stayed tuned for another blog to come soon from Colleen about our anniversary trip to Sapporo and another from me about our first Japanese pro baseball experience.

Hugs and kicks, Carl.